I Don't Want to Be the Me You See

I’ve had an exhausting time trying to explain to inquiring minds, including my friends and family members, why I think my marriage is over.

The dissolution of a ten-year marriage is a tough thing to articulate when there isn’t a single, horrendous precipitating event like cheating or abuse, just a lot of little things that add up to the one big thing: We don’t work together. Hell, trying to describe why a relationship works is hard too. The nuances of why a particular union does or doesn’t jive often defy definition—it’s just more of a feeling, a knowing, an awareness. When it works, you’ve heard people say "We just click!" and when it doesn’t, people say things like "It just stopped working."

Relationships are a patchwork of personality parts stitched together—sometimes sloppily—and when the quilt starts wearing thin and isn’t as warm as it used to be, you take a hard look at the blanket that you’ve been wrapping around yourself without paying much attention and you begin to really see the frayed edges you didn’t notice before. Popped stitches, hanging threads: Pull one thread and it can lead to an unraveling. An undoing.

Keep reading...